Some thoughts and feelings after ~7 hours: Read more
(Note: This is not a proper send-off or last letter. I want to write something proper, a retrospective of my experience as a fan for 6+ years, later. I hope I can do it.)
To be honest, I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming at all. Ever since the downsizing announcement, it feels like I've been counting the days until my kamioshi, Temma-kun, graduates. I even said it to my friend last month, on his birthday.
And well, guess I was right. It's even more obvious last night when he was flip-flopping between streaming or not, and when he streamed, the description said, "Thank you for everything." Of course that raised suspicions for me.
So I've been bracing myself for it. But to think the announcement would come the very next day, and that 6 members in total will graduate...now THAT is shocking. This is the worst news I ever woke up to. I wish I didn't wake up to this. I wish I didn't wake up, I wish this is all a dream...but alas.
Despite all of that, however, despite expecting it to a degree, it still HURTS a lot, because Holostars - especially Temma-kun - means A LOT to me. Copy-pasting what I said before: I've been a fan for 6+ years now, before they even reached 1st year. I watched their 1st anniversary. I watched their 1st concert, 2nd concert, and other paid events. They're a big and important part of my life all of these 6+ years, when I entered and graduated from college. They've been with me through one of the hardest parts of my life. Their streams made me look forward to the future. They're even a part of my thesis! I took a photo with Temmanui on my graduation ceremony! So to say this news is devastating is a MASSIVE understatement. It feels like a large part of me has been gouged out.
(I think I'll share photos of all my merch, some of my assignments with Holostars in it if I can recover them, my thesis, and some of my graduation photos with Temmanui as a send-off. I don't care anymore. I want to show how much they REALLY mean to me.)
---
Sometimes I think how lucky yet unlucky we Starmins are. There are some graduations and terminations without a proper send-off, sure, but despite all the hurdles they've went through (which is A LOT), all these members stayed for 6+ years. That is no small feat. Plenty of VTubers graduated in less. I think that speaks to how much they love Holostars, other members, and their fans. And I can't thank them enough for that.
In a somewhat related note. People outside VTuber spaces may look down on fans who feel sad over VTuber graduations because, "The real person is still there and they may reincarnate". Sure, they real person is the one who makes up most of the character we know and I love, and they can go on to take on other roles, but things are not the same. It's never going to be the same. What I came to love is Holostars with 12 members. What I came to love is Kishido Temma from Holostars. Without any of that, it feels different. The environment in which the talent surrounds themselves in, the group dynamics - that's all important, too.
So for Temma-kun to acknowledge that, I feel both glad and heartbroken. It feels so rare for it to be acknowledged, let alone by the talent himself. He's so real and I always appreciate that side of him. Miyabi also acknowledges it, to a degree, by thinking that Holostars without group activities isn't Holostars. And I agree.
It's painful, but the Holostars I came to know and I love is gone now. No more Unplan, no more Hanakishi, no more SunTempo (we like to joke about this, but now it's totally gone), no more Yurustars (already dead for a while lol), no more Holostars Board Game Club, no more MaFia, no more 3-members UPROAR, etc...so many things are lost. Hopes and dreams like JP + EN "We are the HOLOSTARS!!" is lost, too. 💔 What about Shinri's plan of Holostars RUST?? Is that still going? 😭💔
---
Hearing that Temma wanted to stay but changed his mind after Miyabi decided to graduate is...something. Lmao. Both funny and bittersweet. Hanakishi forever even until death! But if I may be so selfish, as a kishimen, I wished he'd have stayed, even for a bit longer. But alas....
---
WHAT COMES NEXT AND ABOUT PL
I said before that I prefer to keep PLs separate, away from this account. But I think I'll forgo that from now on. After all, Kishido Temma will die. I feel like there's no point in me "hiding" it anymore.
That said, to be honest, I'm still not sure about supporting their PLs - as I said, things are different. I'm also still not sure about supporting the rest of Holostars after this. I said before, "Ultimately, I'll keep supporting them until the very bitter end," and it feels like my kamioshi IS that bitter end. I love Holostars, but I'm more focused on my kamioshi, after all. I'll see how it goes first, I suppose. Who knows, perhaps I won't support them as closely as I did, but I'll still look at them from afar.
This account is a multi-fandom mess, anyway, I won't go anywhere.
---
I have nothing but gratitude to Holostars members for the past 6+ years, for all the laughter and sadness. Their existence brighten my days, my weeks, my months, my years. I can only hope their future path to be filled with joy, for them to shine even brighter. If graduating is what it takes for them to reach greater heights, for them to be happier, then so be it. It hurts a lot now, my tears can hardly stop, but this too shall pass. I hope the day when we all can look back fondly on these days will come.
I'd also like to thank fellow Starmins who have made the past 6+ years much more enjoyable. I met a lot of people and experienced many things. We've been through a lot together, from all the ups and downs. I saw old fans left and new fans came. But still, I think that, out of all the fandoms I've been so far, this is the best fandom experience I ever had. Thank you very much.
That is all for now.
---
Addendum: I haven't watched any of the streams yet. I'm not strong enough afshdkdld 😭 I'm so scared...I know for certain how much it'll break me. Just seeing tweets, comments, and clips is enough to make me cry. I need someone to watch it with me please agsjdkdkl 😭😭😭🫂
---
Addendum 2:
To be honest, my interest in Holostars and Temma-kun waned a few times. Sometimes I thought of leaving, even. But each time, they managed to pull me back. That's a sentiment I saw other long-time Starmins shared. I thought my interest waned again, and I had been bracing myself for the inevitable, especially as the situation got worse and worse...but still, I cried so much after the downsizing and graduation announcements. I guess I love them that much, huh...I'm a bit surprised, honestly. But I can't help it, they've been in my life for so long, after all.
Also, I know full well how fleeting VTubers are. Graduations are inevitable - it's a matter of when, not if. But for them to graduate like this, because the branch collapsed, with no grand fanfare, 6 members at once on top of that...it stings. It hurts so much. I wish they graduate under different circumstances...I just want them to be successful and happy, as they deserve, and yet...why is it so hard? Why is this what they receive for all the years of suffering and hard work?? It's not fair.
For kishimen, there were more hints letting me brace for the inevitable. Before, Temma-kun said he'd only start aging when he graduates. And he did finally age this year. While he said it calmly, as if he had no intentions to graduate, that is probably the most obvious sign for his eventual graduation. All these years, he wasn't lying at all...
The only bit of silver lining (if you can call it that), I suppose, is that after all the graduations and terminations without proper send-off, we finally get to see them off on their last streams...but 6 at once, and no last 3D lives except Rio who had to use external studio. Seriously, being a Starmin is cursed at this point. 😂😭 The company won't even grant them one last grace, one last chance, the last hurrah, to use internal studio. It's insane.
Some thoughts and feelings after ~7 hours:
(Note: This is not a proper send-off or last letter. I want to write something proper, a retrospective of my experience as a fan for 6+ years, later. I hope I can do it.)
To be honest, I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming at all. Ever since the downsizing announcement, it feels like I've been counting the days until my kamioshi, Temma-kun, graduates. I even said it to my friend last month, on his birthday.
And well, guess I was right. It's even more obvious last night when he was flip-flopping between streaming or not, and when he streamed, the description said, "Thank you for everything." Of course that raised suspicions for me.
So I've been bracing myself for it. But to think the announcement would come the very next day, and that 6 members in total will graduate...now THAT is shocking. This is the worst news I ever woke up to. I wish I didn't wake up to this. I wish I didn't wake up, I wish this is all a dream...but alas.
Despite all of that, however, despite expecting it to a degree, it still HURTS a lot, because Holostars - especially Temma-kun - means A LOT to me. Copy-pasting what I said before: I've been a fan for 6+ years now, before they even reached 1st year. I watched their 1st anniversary. I watched their 1st concert, 2nd concert, and other paid events. They're a big and important part of my life all of these 6+ years, when I entered and graduated from college. They've been with me through one of the hardest parts of my life. Their streams made me look forward to the future. They're even a part of my thesis! I took a photo with Temmanui on my graduation ceremony! So to say this news is devastating is a MASSIVE understatement. It feels like a large part of me has been gouged out.
(I think I'll share photos of all my merch, some of my assignments with Holostars in it if I can recover them, my thesis, and some of my graduation photos with Temmanui as a send-off. I don't care anymore. I want to show how much they REALLY mean to me.)
---
Sometimes I think how lucky yet unlucky we Starmins are. There are some graduations and terminations without a proper send-off, sure, but despite all the hurdles they've went through (which is A LOT), all these members stayed for 6+ years. That is no small feat. Plenty of VTubers graduated in less. I think that speaks to how much they love Holostars, other members, and their fans. And I can't thank them enough for that.
In a somewhat related note. People outside VTuber spaces may look down on fans who feel sad over VTuber graduations because, "The real person is still there and they may reincarnate". Sure, they real person is the one who makes up most of the character we know and I love, and they can go on to take on other roles, but things are not the same. It's never going to be the same. What I came to love is Holostars with 12 members. What I came to love is Kishido Temma from Holostars. Without any of that, it feels different. The environment in which the talent surrounds themselves in, the group dynamics - that's all important, too.
So for Temma-kun to acknowledge that, I feel both glad and heartbroken. It feels so rare for it to be acknowledged, let alone by the talent himself. He's so real and I always appreciate that side of him. Miyabi also acknowledges it, to a degree, by thinking that Holostars without group activities isn't Holostars. And I agree.
It's painful, but the Holostars I came to know and I love is gone now. No more Unplan, no more Hanakishi, no more SunTempo (we like to joke about this, but now it's totally gone), no more Yurustars (already dead for a while lol), no more Holostars Board Game Club, no more MaFia, no more 3-members UPROAR, etc...so many things are lost. Hopes and dreams like JP + EN "We are the HOLOSTARS!!" is lost, too. 💔 What about Shinri's plan of Holostars RUST?? Is that still going? 😭💔
---
Hearing that Temma wanted to stay but changed his mind after Miyabi decided to graduate is...something. Lmao. Both funny and bittersweet. Hanakishi forever even until death! But if I may be so selfish, as a kishimen, I wished he'd have stayed, even for a bit longer. But alas....
---
WHAT COMES NEXT AND ABOUT PL
I said before that I prefer to keep PLs separate, away from this account. But I think I'll forgo that from now on. After all, Kishido Temma will die. I feel like there's no point in me "hiding" it anymore.
That said, to be honest, I'm still not sure about supporting their PLs - as I said, things are different. I'm also still not sure about supporting the rest of Holostars after this. I said before, "Ultimately, I'll keep supporting them until the very bitter end," and it feels like my kamioshi IS that bitter end. I love Holostars, but I'm more focused on my kamioshi, after all. I'll see how it goes first, I suppose. Who knows, perhaps I won't support them as closely as I did, but I'll still look at them from afar.
This account is a multi-fandom mess, anyway, I won't go anywhere.
---
I have nothing but gratitude to Holostars members for the past 6+ years, for all the laughter and sadness. Their existence brighten my days, my weeks, my months, my years. I can only hope their future path to be filled with joy, for them to shine even brighter. If graduating is what it takes for them to reach greater heights, for them to be happier, then so be it. It hurts a lot now, my tears can hardly stop, but this too shall pass. I hope the day when we all can look back fondly on these days will come.
I'd also like to thank fellow Starmins who have made the past 6+ years much more enjoyable. I met a lot of people and experienced many things. We've been through a lot together, from all the ups and downs. I saw old fans left and new fans came. But still, I think that, out of all the fandoms I've been so far, this is the best fandom experience I ever had. Thank you very much.
That is all for now.
---
Addendum: I haven't watched any of the streams yet. I'm not strong enough afshdkdld 😭 I'm so scared...I know for certain how much it'll break me. Just seeing tweets, comments, and clips is enough to make me cry. I need someone to watch it with me please agsjdkdkl 😭😭😭🫂
---
Addendum 2:
To be honest, my interest in Holostars and Temma-kun waned a few times. Sometimes I thought of leaving, even. But each time, they managed to pull me back. That's a sentiment I saw other long-time Starmins shared. I thought my interest waned again, and I had been bracing myself for the inevitable, especially as the situation got worse and worse...but still, I cried so much after the downsizing and graduation announcements. I guess I love them that much, huh...I'm a bit surprised, honestly. But I can't help it, they've been in my life for so long, after all.
Also, I know full well how fleeting VTubers are. Graduations are inevitable - it's a matter of when, not if. But for them to graduate like this, because the branch collapsed, with no grand fanfare, 6 members at once on top of that...it stings. It hurts so much. I wish they graduate under different circumstances...I just want them to be successful and happy, as they deserve, and yet...why is it so hard? Why is this what they receive for all the years of suffering and hard work?? It's not fair.
For kishimen, there were more hints letting me brace for the inevitable. Before, Temma-kun said he'd only start aging when he graduates. And he did finally age this year. While he said it calmly, as if he had no intentions to graduate, that is probably the most obvious sign for his eventual graduation. All these years, he wasn't lying at all...
The only bit of silver lining (if you can call it that), I suppose, is that after all the graduations and terminations without proper send-off, we finally get to see them off on their last streams...but 6 at once, and no last 3D lives except Rio who had to use external studio. Seriously, being a Starmin is cursed at this point. 😂😭 The company won't even grant them one last grace, one last chance, the last hurrah, to use internal studio. It's insane.
Sighs.Fold